Biden sends 750 military advisors to South Vietnam, citing 'increased communist aggression'
WASHINGTON — Southeast Asia is on the cusp of a communist takeover, total war and mass suffering, according to President Biden. Speaking this morning in the Rose Garden while “Fortunate Son” played, the president complained of North Vietnam leader Ho Chi Minh’s expansionism and uncompromising stance.
“You have that movie, it came out the other day,” Biden said. After taking a moment to reflect, he continued: “What was it.”
“It’s a Singapore movie,” President Biden said. “Rich Asians in Singapore, with the everything everywhere girl. They have all the food, good food. But it’s probably 88 degrees with 65% humidity even in the night scenes. That’s something. How do you deal with that. Anyway, you won’t be having movies like that. Ho Chi Minh, and Mao, they’re gonna take Singapore, Thailand, Cambodia. All of that.”
Standing a few feet from Biden, Secretary of State Anthony Blinken winced multiple times as his boss spoke.
But other Biden employees look at Biden’s foreign policy decision more favorably. Jeff Zients, his chief of staff, said the move to bolster South Vietnam gave Biden a renewed energy and sense of purpose.
“Biden looks 20 years younger,” Zients said after the Rose Garden speech. “In his view, he’s riding the high of killing Bin Laden last month. Sending the military advisors to Saigon is just another good move in the series of good moves Biden is making.”
“It’s a no-brainer to help our allies in South Vietnam. They love democracy, and a Buddhist monk there apparently loved democracy so much that he self-immolated. We should be so passionate,” Zients said.
Protesters defend Gaza children from genocidal commuters on New York bridge
Motorists rallied in Brooklyn in a clear attempt to setter-colonize Islamic lands, may Allah curse them. But when they drove onto the Williamsburg Bridge, they were confronted by the Progressive Infantrypersons. A bitter standoff began as the Infantrypersons, the last line of defense against the Israel Defense Force, locked arms and spanned the width of the bridge.
“Not only are the commuters driving disgusting cars, which is ecogenocide, they’re trying to ethnically cleanse all the Arab babies,” Audrey Macmillan, an Infantryperson and junior studying film at NYU said during a lull. She then spit on the bridge and vowed to destroy it unless the city restricted it to buses.
About four minutes into the confrontation, a man exited his Nissan Murano and demanded that the protesters move.
“I have to pick up my daughter!”
“Now, slow down there. Let’s think about what it means to cross a bridge to pick up a family member,” said Josh Freeman, a sophomore sociology major at Hunter College. “Is this not rooted in systems of dispossession and disenfranchisement? You really need to examine the assumptions that undergird your everyday actions.” He smirked at the hapless father.
Ms. Macmillan took a more conciliatory tone. “We will let you cross, if you can explain how Palestinian men can pick up their children if the IDF is bombing them. How? Be concise in your answer and demonstrate a comprehensive knowledge of the history of the region.”
“No. Move!” the man said. He put his hands on an Infantryperson.
“Oh my god, violence!” the beleaguered protester said. Their comrades pulled off the attacker and beat him. The colonizer was defeated in about thirty seconds. The Progressive Infantrypersons cheered, turned on a large portable speaker, pulled beers from a cooler and danced.